`FixMeKnow

Nothing to see here!

Actually, I was just tired of seeing my snow rant. I’d rant about still seeing piles of dirty icey snowy crap everywhere, I won’t.

Or will I?

So how was Easter for those that celebrated it?

And if you didn’t, tell me something new that you like. Music, movies, games, whatever.





Two buddies, Don and John, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly John throws up all over himself. 'Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me!

Don says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.'

They stay for another couple of hours getting even drunker.

Eventually John stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a hard time. 'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!'

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, John says, 'Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin! Itsh snot whachew think. I only had a cuplarrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me... he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks fer the cleaning bill!'

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks!’

'Oh, yeah...I almos' fergot, he shit in my pants, too'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."